40 Days is a Long Time

About 28 days ago, as some of my readers will remember, I felt led by God to have a late season of Lent. The sacrifice would be of computer games.  I thought I would update on how it's been going. First off, 40 days is longer than I realized. Though days, weeks and months do seem to fly by too quickly, when there is something that you miss everyday, it's surprising how long it can be. The fact that I feel a little hole and loss in my life over a computer game is something that I have let stew around in my psyche and heart. I've been asking God to show me what this means, and what does He want me to do about it. I realize that 40 days is long for a reason. I need the time to evaluate what I will do when the time is over. At first I might have said, I should never play those games, they are a total waste, but what I've realized is there is a time when it's okay to just be idle and relax and those games can sometimes fit the bill.  I don't need to be accomplishing something productive or meaningful all the time. That's been a help to realize that. But I also know, I used them for avoidance and procrastination. And the fact that I still miss them every day, shows me I still have to let go of the hold they have on me. I need to learn to lean into my given responsibilities. Embrace them for what they are, the very tools that God uses to mold and shape me into what I was created to be.  One of the really good things that is coming out of this is the letting go of an "agreement" I made about myself. I have said many times through the years, because of my past failings, that I'm just "not disciplined". I so bought into that lie about myself, that I no longer even tried to engage in "times of fasting or self denial". Yet that is certainly a part of the Christan walk. How victorious the enemy of our soul is when he has convinced us that we might as well not even try anymore. Well Jesus graciously has led me through this. I'm thankful that I can leave that lie about myself behind. That I can walk in greater faith before Him.. 10 days left of my 40 days, but I see victory in Jesus at the finish line.