We are family

Today, my sister and I were over at my Dads, sharing a visit, some coffee and life's coming and goings. Conversation was light, fun and comfortable. It was a product of knowing each other from the very beginning. Before we knew anything about who we were, we were sisters and daughters together. At one point, my sister came up behind me, stuck her arms around me from the back and tried to snitch some cookies, pretending her hands were mine. It was a fun and childlike moment. but what I also noticed for a moment, was how good it felt to be embraced by those arms. I belong to her and she to me. God made us to be together.
     This is the season to gather with family. For many that becomes a very conflicted time.Sometimes it joyous and sometimes it's difficult and somtimes it's down right awful. After all, we often choose our friends based on similar interests, likes etc. but our family members are chosen for us, and we often marvel that we came from the same parents. After all, how could  people who grew up in the same place be so different?
My siblings and I are all such different people, personalities and interests. Our lives have taken us in such different directions. There are times when the externals make it seem like we have nothing in common. But today when my sister hugged me, it felt good right down to my toes, when my brother laughs it makes me feel so happy and young again, and when I held my sisters hands in grief at their childrens funerals, I knew I was exactly where God wanted me to be. It feels good, on a deep level.
     As we gather this week, I hope that for the most part, we all will be able to rejoice and enjoy the families God has given us. The older I get, the more I realize how really rich those relationships are and what a wonderful gift they are. I am known and belong in a most special way. The world is right in a profound way, when it is right with your family.
    So despite the crazy hecticness of it all, I'm really looking forward to all those hugs, kisses, inside jokes, lots of food, tired babies, awkward nieces and nephews, overbooked schedules and messiness that is Christmas. Bring it on.  Merry Christmas everyone, and thank you God.

Giving Thanks

On Wednesday, after several days of preparations for the holidays and guests, I layed on my couch, so tired I didn't know how I was going to get through the next several days. So I began to pray, that God would restore me and strengthen me for the coming days. I also spent time  giving thanks, for I had just read that it was the best way to put us close and in touch with the Father. Well after a bit of rest, I got back up and resumed my activities. I also proceeded to forget the requests that I had just made to God.
My sister, neice and her two children arrived on Wednesday evening and we enjoyed catching up and a nice dinner together. I finished some Thanksgiving preparations, table setting, turkey stuffing, etc.. and then finished up the day, instructing my hubby Ed to set the alarm the next morning so I could put the turkey in.The next morning I woke up even before the alarm went off and had some time to be with God before the hecticness of the day began. I remember thinking," nothing like a good nights sleep to restore a person". I fixed breakfast for my guests and enjoyed relaxing and chatting with my sister over a warm cup of coffee. Then I went  back to work for the "big Dinner".
Well the day and the dinner went on without a hitch. Food was delicious, family was enjoyed, good conversation and laughter ensued. During the course of the day I recieved several comments about being such a calm and collected hostess. Any woman who hosts Thanksgiving knows, that is not easy to pull off.
The next day, after sending off my house guests, the Lord sent me an Angel both literally and figuratively. I had to get right to decorating my house for Christmas, because the following weekend was the office Christmas party at my place. Even though my daughter Angel is extremely busy with her own family and has her own very extensive "to do" list, she so graciously agreed to come over and help me decorate. Not only was her help  appreciated, but it adds extra joy and fun to the experience. Last night, I sat with the house all decorated, hardly able to believe that a job that seemed overwhelming was once again all done and looking beautiful.
Well this morning I woke up all bright eyed and bushytailed at 5am. After checking the time, I layed there thinking "surely I'll fall back asleep, this is way to early to get up". But oh no, I was wide awake and feeling very energetic. And it was then and there in the dark that I remembered the prayer I had offered to God in my exhaustion on Wednesday. I also realized how often I do this, ask God for something, but then fail to look for his provision.And I smiled in the dark as I realized that God not only heard my prayer, but gave me more than I asked for. I had just wanted enough energy to survive and he gave me abundant energy. I laughingly told my husband he was answering my prayer a little too abundantly. And so I give thanks with a grateful heart for so many things, but also because God cares for us so specifically and reminds me he cares about everything in my life.
She is clothed with strenth and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs:31:25

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine....to Him be glory....forever and ever! Ephesians 3:20

I just got back from one of those multi-generational vacations. My husband and I, are children, their spouses and our grandchildren. Sixteen of us under one roof, for eight fabulous days. As I drove home, the memories washed over me, like the waves of the great lakes that we had experienced all week, bringing a sense of inner peace, wonderful complete contentment and joy wrapped with incredible gratitude. I loved the sense that I was experiencing a gift that was bigger than the sum total of all the parts. Being surrounded each day by beauty, love, laughter, and sharing. I loved that for a week, I truly entered into a rest of sorts, free from the sorrows and struggles of everyday life and just rejoiced in God's blessings. It was more than I deserved and I receive it as a gift from my Father above, who gives so generously and abundantly. Thank you God above for beauty that takes my breath away, for the grandchildren who delight me beyond measure, for seeing my children grow up to be more lovely than I could have imagined, for my faithful and loving husband of 37 years who I can share my joy with, and for 3 great son in laws who are strong and true.

Summer moment

Today, as I was pondering resurrection and it's trans formative power, I noticed out the window a beautiful butterfly flitting around my garden. I stopped to look at it for a few moments. My first thought is "Maybe it's a sign, butterflies kind of symbolize new life" and I asked God if he wanted to show me something. My second thought was to run and get my camera, because that's what I do. I love trying to capture beautiful moments, as if somehow I could hold on to their preciousness this way. The problem with that is, a) the picture rarely captures it as beautiful as I am experiencing it, and b) often the moment is lost, as I go get the camera. So I felt as if God whispered, "just watch, and enjoy it" And so I did. The moment was beautiful, and that was enough. And isn't that why we love summer so much? Those quiet, beautiful little moments of creation, that feels like God bringing us a prettily wrapped package just from him. It was nice.

I don't get to do it "MY WAY" and that's a good thing.

     I'm feeling so intruded upon by all the sickness and death that have been my constant companion these last six years or so. I feel bad for feeling that way, knowing how selfish it is. I want to say " I want my life back" and quickly realize how much of a lie and an illusion that idea really is. The truth is this "life" never truly belonged to me in the first place. It can be taken from me and or anyone else I know and love at any time. Then I realize what a terrible intrusion sin was in this world. God never wanted any of this for man, he created paradise, but we are the ones who had to "do it our way", and this is the mess we end up with. So we've got this ugly, unwanted, uninvited guest at our party and he is trying to ruin it.
     No this life doesn't truly belong to me, but the eternal one, given to me by God, through Jesus Christ,does belong to me, and Satan can't touch that. In the meantime, he is doing his best to spread his misery around and yet through Christ, we rise above. He destroys our plans, and we find new purpose. He saps our energy, and we draw closer to the one who gives all strength. He brings us grief and mourning, and Christ pours out a song in our hearts. He destroys and shakes the world we stand on, and we find a sure foundation in God. He makes rubble out of our illusions, and we find wisdom. He brings death to our door, and God uses it to create new life, and shine out his perfect glory. And on and on it goes.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

The Hands God Gave Me

These are the hands that God gave me. I have to admit that I haven't always been to pleased with them. For a girl who truly appreciates form, grace and beauty, I always felt like I was a bit short changed in that department. My hands are kind of short and stubby, with wide palms and pathetic nails. Of course now we have added age spots and scars to further add insult to injury. When I was a young girl, I remember often noticing my mother's hands  and telling her how beautiful I thought they were. She had long thin hands with beautiful nails and enjoyed wearing sparkly jewelry that showed them off.  As I grew I began to notice other girls hands, they all seemed prettier than mine and I began to find ways to camouflage mine. For instance in the teen years, I liked to wear my sleeves long, hanging to the point where they almost covered my hands and thereby, in my mind that is, making my hands appear smaller and more delicate. Also, as my friends began the years of beautifying themselves, with manicures and pretty rings and jewelry, I found I had nails that wouldn't grow and bracelets and rings brought attention to a part of me I felt was unacceptable. It's amazing how a little thing like this can just be another way you fill up your inner self with more proof that you are just not adequate. Of course, we who are blessed, mature past this point. We learn to value what has lasting value and leave behind, as best we can, the images the world give us of perfection. I learned to appreciate the incredible marvel of what hands are and can do, and reminded myself that having hands at all is a gift, something not everyone has. These are the hands that God gave me. They have stroked heads of old and young alike, they have prepared nourishing food for my family, they have held hands of children, husband, friends, grandchildren and parents, they have folded themselves in prayer, they have cooled feverish heads, washed dirty clothes, changed poopy pants, cleaned houses, dug in dirt, planted flowers,made clothing, sewn , knitted, played piano, raised themselves in praise, wiped tears, massaged hurting muscles, written encouragement and on and on I could go. Today, these hands clipped and filed the toenails of my father and massaged his very swollen feet and calves. While my hands massaged I prayed blessing and healing to this man I love. He can't do that for himself anymore, and I consider it all joy to be able to do this for him now. He has been such a wonderful father.
Oh young ones out there, do you have something you hate about yourself? Do not trouble yourself any longer. If you co-operate, He( our heavenly father) truly does make all things beautiful in His time. These are the hands that God gave me, they are beautiful, they are mine, and I wouldn't trade them.

40 Days is a Long Time

About 28 days ago, as some of my readers will remember, I felt led by God to have a late season of Lent. The sacrifice would be of computer games.  I thought I would update on how it's been going. First off, 40 days is longer than I realized. Though days, weeks and months do seem to fly by too quickly, when there is something that you miss everyday, it's surprising how long it can be. The fact that I feel a little hole and loss in my life over a computer game is something that I have let stew around in my psyche and heart. I've been asking God to show me what this means, and what does He want me to do about it. I realize that 40 days is long for a reason. I need the time to evaluate what I will do when the time is over. At first I might have said, I should never play those games, they are a total waste, but what I've realized is there is a time when it's okay to just be idle and relax and those games can sometimes fit the bill.  I don't need to be accomplishing something productive or meaningful all the time. That's been a help to realize that. But I also know, I used them for avoidance and procrastination. And the fact that I still miss them every day, shows me I still have to let go of the hold they have on me. I need to learn to lean into my given responsibilities. Embrace them for what they are, the very tools that God uses to mold and shape me into what I was created to be.  One of the really good things that is coming out of this is the letting go of an "agreement" I made about myself. I have said many times through the years, because of my past failings, that I'm just "not disciplined". I so bought into that lie about myself, that I no longer even tried to engage in "times of fasting or self denial". Yet that is certainly a part of the Christan walk. How victorious the enemy of our soul is when he has convinced us that we might as well not even try anymore. Well Jesus graciously has led me through this. I'm thankful that I can leave that lie about myself behind. That I can walk in greater faith before Him.. 10 days left of my 40 days, but I see victory in Jesus at the finish line.